Rebuilding.

Rebuilding.

 That is what I am currently doing. As my doctor says, I never gave myself time to grieve my loss of Vermont. I just plowed through, thinking that because I was a righteous "human", I would be able to get over it within a short time frame. wrong. that is wrong. I am supposed to be grieving/rebuilding for roughly 2 years. 2 years! I said....I dont have that sort of time to be miserable and whiny and overall sad. But its true.

The first six months are (and all of this is according to my doctor)...time for you to get settled. Find a place to live, learn your surroundings, branch out a little, but not much, just settling.

The next six are mastering that settling process. Learning the grocery store, learning the traffic, learning areas around your new home, finding friends, starting the rebuilding process. But once again, that isnt until 6 months in! ah.

Then you move onto everything after the first year (which is currently where I am at)...I have learned my surroundings, branched out, met friends, learned (sorta) where the Happenin's are...but still..the grieving. This is when that kicks in....I was supposed to be grieving all along..but no one told me too..so alas, I am now grieving.

That is the hardest part. I have learned for the past six months to move on! move ahead! dont look back! but at the end of the day when I am alone with my thoughts..thats when I have been my saddest. Rebuilding a life at 31 isnt easy. Im not sure how people do it after a divorce, or a severe relocation, or anything else...it is the hardest thing I have ever done....and I am alone.

But each day gets better. Yes, some days I take 414,000,000 steps back, but once again....I am grieving. I know I can always go home to Vermont. I know what is there. But right now, I dont think that this is the right time. I have always been one to not stay. (maybe I have commitment issues)....but I think that there is something else waiting for me... we will see.

I found this photo on a greatly inspirational site called "Purpose Fairy".... It hit me hard:

There are some on there that I am working on....AKA # 10. Wow! Like how do people acutally do that??!!!

The funny thing about my "rebuilding life" is that 99% of my friends here are also rebuilding and finding themselves in Maine/New Hampshire. It is nice to have people that understand. And I am lucky that I have 4 of them by my side.

Have a joyous day!

xoxooxoox

End of day blog.

I have realized in my five days of blogging, that if I put off this little treat til say after 730pm....I am literally in a brain meltdown funk and can not think.

I will recoup and blog bright and early tomorrow morning while holding a delicious cup of Katahdin French Roast Coffee (oh! its from Maine...go local!) and hopefully publishing some photos from my morning stroll on le beach. 

 P.S. Its soo good I took a photo of it.

                                                          Rich, Dark and Intense.... oh joy!

 I also have a ton of fresh ideas to write about....and things I want to share.

That will have to start tomorrow. I am sleepy....also, I am going to start adding (maybe) a photo journal of my year?.... what do you think?

night night!

day #3 on day #4.

Whoops. I really did have all the intention in the world to write yesterday. I even went to my favorite coffee shop....read my favorite fashion blogs to get the wheels spinning..but alas, I was consumed by the fact that "we" (meaning at work) had inventory last night.

Nothing inspirational comes when you have to count a hundred bazillion tshirts until 2 am.

but wait.... something did! And that is what todays post is about! ohh i am so happy to share!

 

8 things every happy woman should have!

I saw this on my favorite fashion blog and thought "what a cute idea"..So I am going to share mine and then you can share with me yours! 

A Go To Drink: 

Tanqueray and Tonic...two limes. 

A Go To Karaoke Song:

"Dont stop Believing"- Journey

"Blue Suede Shoes"- Marc Cohen

"Apple Bottom Jeans" T-Pain (obvi)

A Uniform:

Dolphin laugh.  

A Hair Stylist They Love: 

Mariah Billado...

.ohhh i miss VT and my big blonde beauty 

queen hair....  

An Exercise Routine:

  

TBD. 

#bubblebutt

A Hobby:

TBD. 

#Bubblebutt

   A Best Friend:

Sister: Elise

BFF #1: Angie

BFF #2: Tabby

BFF #3: Aaron

My #lifesavers: Alysha. Jenna. 

A Healthy Sense of Self: 

The journey that I am on. Sometimes (most times) I am all over the place, 

happiness comes and goes, with the ups and downs. But I am moving

in a positive direction to embrace my life and learn to

love what I have and not fret on what I am unable to achieve at this moment. 

Find joy in everyday life. 

Now wasn't that enjoyable. Alright, now it is your turn...write in the comments below what your eight happys are. Men are allowed as well :) Please dont let the comments be blank. That would be sad. And no one likes sad. 

Enjoy your day!

xoxo   

 

Every little thing matters.

Hello and welcome to Day #2.

I know...its late. Like you, I have worked all day and I am exhausted and just want to curl up in my bed and stalk on Instagram. But instead...I have made a promise to myself. And well...Here I AM!

I woke up this morning..... in the happiest place I know. I don't want to get into anything deep right now, if you know me, you know the deal. But those arms, that skin, those kisses, those looks, the scruff, the breathing (ever so lightly but just enough for me to follow), the way our bodies know each other from the past 1.5 years of snuggling...everything about him, owns me. I woke up there. And that matters.

It matters because as of yesterday morning, I was not going to be there. But then Fate happened and VOILA! There I was. Guess that is also what happens when your best friend/love/??? travels for a living.

Leaving him, mattered. This time, unlike so many others, I was optimistic. Lately, I have been attempting to become more positive, with more personal direction. Trying to make the goodbyes not as suicidal. Attempt #1: success! 

Funny thing...love.

Moving on.

I went to work. And you know what?

  Those pretty babies were waiting for me on my desk. (instant tears occurred) That matters.

   Not every time needs to be a goodbye. Not every goodbye needs to be sad. Not everything is going to go according to plan. Life is interesting.  Love is patient. Try to leave a little fun for fate, love and god. They are, after all, the ones who choose. Aren't they? :)

  Goodnight. xooxoxooxoxox

One year. A day in the life.

Today marks my official one (whole) year in Maine. (insert balloons, noise makers, little cupcakes!!)

 I know what you are thinking....as I have asked myself the same question every single day...for the past three hundred and sixty-five...How did I ever make it this long?

Dont get me wrong...there was a while there....well to be more honest (because who doesnt love honesty?) a while was more like 4-6 months....where I seriously contemplated walking striaght into the ocean and never looking back.

You see...I could actually do that....because for a series of horridly terrific months, I lived right on the morid blueness.

I was thinking.... in celebration of not walking into the blue abyss...I was going to do something special. Something amazing. I am on this journey, that some power, some where, thought would be a good idea for me. So I am going to document it. Every day. For a Year.

I wish I had this idea LAST year...as I have gone through a tremendous transformation during my time here in Maine. And would love to have remembered all the days/fun times/rough times/crying fits/screaming fits/outrage/love/hate/revelations/marvels/bottle of wines/dinner parties/ and most of all....moments of insanity...that somehow got me to where I currently am.

But instead.... we shall start today and see next year at this time, what has been accomplished. See.. you never know what will come up/come about, until you are in that moment. I think to myself: there is no possible way that any thing in life can trump last year...but yet ! The biggest moments of my life have yet to be uncovered...... so trumping we shall do!

Here is too a year. in the life. of me. 

Day #1.

(So this is how this "project", as I shall call it, will work. Everyday, I will post a photo(s) that is important to that day. And then post why/who/what/when to clarify and vent.)

Today is a day of new beginnings. I am, of course, bring into this "New Year" allot of baggage from last year. It has been a rough year, to put it mildly. For all of you who know me on a severely personal level, I am sure you can attest to that.

Through all the ups and downs, I some how have come out with a sort-of level head. Mentally, I am wanting everything that I wanted a year ago, when I began this journey. So that hasn't changed...unfortunately. My #1 goal (was) is to let myself fall in love with Maine. And for some retched reason, that is not happening. I think we all might know why, or inside your heads, might be cursing the reason why. But alas, no matter what we come up with, either alone or over numerous bottles of wine, I am still not in love (with Maine).

Maybe I am not supposed to be here. Maybe, that is why. Who knows.

 But I still have at least another 6 months or so before things can change in my current situation. (AKA....job TRANSFER!!!!)  Now I could, potentially, be quite drastic and change it all, which for my mental state probably would be the best bet...if you can guess, I am talking about giving it all up (cutest apt ever/best housemates ever/cool job/new friends) and pack my bags and head back to VT...in hopes to find a super duper job and rekindle my BFF-ship with my darlings, but the reasonable adult side of me says....waiiiiiitttt.....and that is what I am doing. Why? Not too sure. But I trust that the same being that put me here, will know what is right? Man, I am way too nice.

So here I am once again, hoping that something will happen to make me have a quick change of mind. Or a slow getaway. Till then, Ill be watching the leaves change, like they do every year, and getting excited about today's adventure.......helping a 16 year old learn how to drive!

See you tomorrow!

( I am going to be 100% honest in this blog, I am in dire need of personal honesty. Please be kind.)